it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
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