Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
