I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
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