im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
