evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
I'm just crazy horny about you
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
