Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
