I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
Randomize
