loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
