She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
