and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize
