Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
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