He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Randomize
