Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
