it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
