You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
