just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
Randomize
