So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
I have peed in a lot of sinks
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
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