So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Randomize
