Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
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