Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
