I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
