You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
Randomize
