apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
