Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
