I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
