Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
the liver wants what the liver wants
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Randomize
