There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Randomize
