I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Randomize
