Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
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