my room smells like sperm. sweet.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
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