My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Randomize
