Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
