Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
Alive.
So much puke
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
Randomize