using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
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