im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
Enjoy the penises
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
