he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
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