I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Randomize
