As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
