What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
