well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
Randomize
