You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Randomize
