The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
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