why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
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