Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
