now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
Randomize
