I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
