No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
