Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
