he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
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