the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize