Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Randomize
