Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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