last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
