Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Randomize
