you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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