What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
