I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
So apparently I’m into choking now
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize