cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Randomize
