I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Randomize
