I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
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