sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Randomize
