Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
My underwear smells like fireworks.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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