mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
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