Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
