why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
you had me at cake vodka
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
