Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
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