I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
Randomize
