Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
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