So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Randomize
