Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Randomize
