just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Sorry about my life...
Randomize
