If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Randomize
