sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
Randomize
